Brenda for President!

I’ve reviewed ALL the Democratic Candidates and have come to the conclusion that American People don’t have nearly enough candidates to pick from!  So I am throwing my hat in the ring for President of the United States!

Concerning my qualifications to effectively execute the complex aspects of the Office of the President of the United States of America!  After watching how the office is being run at present, I think I can do it with one arm tied behind my back! It is a well-known fact women can multi-task.

Here is my platform :

  1. I am really easy to get along with as long as you do exactly as I say! I am a Post-menopausal Red Head, left-handed, Gemini!  Which should tell the head of any country that messing with me would not be in their best interests!
  2. I will appoint pre or post-menopause Women to be my ambassadors. Guaranteed they won’t tolerate backtalk from the male-dominated societies of the world.
  3. Since I am a woman, all the old White Men will assume that I am complacent and will do as I am told! It will be a pleasant surprise that I am neither!
  4. I have been married to my one and only First Man for 58 years.
  5. I will have to read from a teleprompter; otherwise, I will forget where I am and why I am here! Much like everyone else my age.  So no running off at the mouth and making a fool of myself and the country,  won’t happen, not that we haven’t already been there!.
  6. Let’s talk about age! I am willing to admit I am old!  I have no desire to lead forever, no worries about a dictatorship!  Both my Son and Daughter are old enough to live in a 55 age community, they have no desire to follow me unless I am making pizza.
  7. And I won’t be re-decorating the white house, it looks pretty damned lovely compared to my double-wide mobile home or my 2005 Coachmen Motorhome!
  8. I plan on sleeping in every one of the bedrooms at least one night, and anyone that sends contribution will get to sleep in one for one night too!
  9. I will be happy to accept all the Pac money I can get! As long as they don’t mind signing my little agreement that says, “Sorry, Sucker, will do what is right for the country!  You are the one being screwed for a change!
  10. I expect to be a one-term President!
  11. With the tax I am planning on slapping on the Millionaire and Billionaires, there will plenty of money to raise the minimum wage to $25.00 an hour, not that sissy $15.00.
  12. With the money left over from the millionaires and billionaire tax, everyone gets full coverage insurance, and nothing is pre-existing and no co-pays!
  13. All the stupid “No rules” things that are in place in regards to clean water, air, and the land is repealed!
  14. You still have to pay for college, BUT the interest is SIMPLE INTEREST, i.e. you figure the % on balance ONCE, and it is added to the amount owed and is never calculated on the declining balance over and over. You will find you can pay it back before you die.  And the full amount you pay each year is deductible from income tax.
  15. There will be steel beams for sale! We don’t need a border wall, we need compassion for those that are fleeing injustice and will be welcomed with the original open arms that the Statue of Liberty intended.
  16. There will be no bail-outs for corporations that get in trouble for risky speculation! You are on your own, just like the workers that made you rich!  No golden parachutes on the taxpayer’s dime!

 

Did I miss anything? I find it hysterical that I need to state that this is just for fun and is intended to be sarcastic, and no money will be accepted!

 

Ridin’ the rails in Phoenix

Riding the rails in Phoenix, AZ is not only encouraged, it is subsidized.  No, I’m not talking about the railroad, I am talking about the Light Rail.  It runs almost from my front doorstep to downtown Mesa, and there is a rumor that it will expand further into downtown Phoenix.

The cost of riding is minimal.  It cost us (senior citizens) only $4.00 for the trip downtown and back.  There are day passes and monthly passes available.  It beat the heck out of driving and paying buckos for parking.

I have to admit I was a little nervous, this was my first time since it first opened and the rides were free for a week.

The security, and the people working at the stations and on the train were courteous, and helpful.  We had to wait a few minutes for the cars to be cleaned.  I was surprised at how clean they were, and there was a rack to hang a bicycle up off the floor, although many people chose to keep them at their side.

We met and saw many interesting people.  The seats could have been a little wider, but that isn’t any ones fault that they were snug but my own.

We got on at Dunlap Ave and 25th Ave, which I said was almost at my front door.  We only had to walk to the front of our complex and cross the road and voila, we were there. When we got to our stop we exited and walked two blocks to our “Meet and Greet meeting” at a Hotel in downtown Phoenix, and then walked the two blocks back and in 20 minutes we were back where we got on.

All the stations are well lit and are populated with workers, we will do it again.  We discovered that it also goes right by Il Vineo where a friend, Michael Powers plays guitar, this will be much more convenient than the hassle of driving.

Try it, you will like it!

 

 

AI, YI YI OH!

It is really funny that after my long rant about turning 70 and getting stupid, more interesting  things happened that turned out to also be stupid.

Checking my replies to my post, I received five from people that wanted me to purchase their “fool-proof” program that will make me rich without even trying, just remit $$$$$ to their paypal account and the money will start rolling in to my bank account.

Today while I was trying to catch up on my writing, I received at least three phone calls, from Mr. or Ms. Nobody, because when I answered, they hung up.  I hope the couple of callers weren’t upset when I screamed, “F%&#k You!

Then the best one or two were from an AI, that informed me that “she was calling to help me find a job” and she inquired what type of position was I looking for?  When I asked if this was a recording, there was a long pause, before the reply was, “Please give me your address, date of birth, and your legal name, or something like that.  At this point I stopped listening and hung up with the same salutation.

When the AI called again, it had learned that I thought it was a recording, so when I asked it again if it was a recording, it paused, and then said, “I guess I have said this so many times that I must sound like a recording.”  I asked several more quick questions, and it made her pause again, before getting right back on script.  I said pleasantly “F#$%K You again and hung up.

AI has invaded our society so thoroughly that it is replacing us faster than we realized.  Another fun fact, now when you apply and receive an “invitation” to an online interview , don’t get too excited, because the last one I did was an AI asking me 4 silly questions. One I remembered was, “What is you favorite movie?”

I spent some time trying to unsubscribe from all the virtual personnel agencies today to discover that there at some that you cannot unsubscribe from.  So I did the next best thing, created a rule that they be re-routed to my “Junk File” so take that AI!

I turned 70 and got stupid!

Yup! Who would have thought that another couple years would make me ineligible for any kind of employment!

I retired after 30 years as a Real Estate Agent selling Commercial and Residential Real Estate, fighting to preserve and save my clients money and dignity, in the space of 8 years, I suddenly became unemployable for ANYTHING.

There are resumes and applications in almost every business in the valley from me   I have same number of “Kiss-off” letters from employers.  Well not really from employers, but from nameless personnel companies or personnel telemarketers.

Now I understand that the personnel agencies are going to employ AI to do their interviewing, PERFECT!

I don’t understand why I have not had ONE decent interview from ONE company that REALLY has a position for a reasonably intelligent female for a Sales Position.  I have had several “Cattle Call Interviews” but not with a real employer.

Just to re-iterate: I do not want an outside sales position!  I feel that with my sales experience, I am worth a decent salary with a commission to match my abilities.

Just for your information: every sales job that I have successfully accomplished top salesperson was ones that I had NO experience with that PRODUCT or business “On the job.”  Of course management tried to hide that a mere female could be the top salesperson.

One local company wanted me to “train” their salespeople and let the “trainer” take all the credit for it.

For all of you business’ that disqualified me because I am not young enough, since when does youth qualify over experience?  Did you think that my 30 plus years as a licensed Realtor made me unqualified to anything but telemarketing or outside sales???

Just in case you still think I got stupid, I have written and self-published eight books.  I will admit they may never be million sellers, but my blood,  sweat and tears are between the covers.  They are all on Amazon.com, just type my name, Brenda Colbath in the search area and they will pop up.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I am deleting all the “Help wanted” ads from all the fake personnel agencies and fading into the woodwork.

Thanks for noting!

 

 

Children’s Books or Adult Books?

Both are fun to write.  My first book that I wrote and published was a children’s book called “The Great Adventures of Ruby & Nolan in Space” and it was a written as a Christmas gift for two friends that were getting too old for Barbie and G.I. Joe toys.

The gist of it is that the whole family is offered an opportunity to travel to an uninhabited world in far off galaxy. The program was intended to not only settle the planet, but to discover valuable assets for Earth.

Ruby and Nolan were thrilled to have this great adventure as long as they could take their dog Pebbles and their Uncle Dawnzella, who the called Uncle Dawnzereli,  unfortunately she couldn’t go with them.

This is the story of how a family copes with a life changing decision, do they drift apart or become closer.

This is a fictional story that lets you peek inside the lives of this family of four that makes that decision. The family makes the journey together. However, this story is mainly about two pre-teens adventures in space.

The family is settled on the new world in their home, but kids will be kids.

Well, why don’t you just read a couple of chapters?

Chapter 1. The adventure begins.

“Come on Ruby, hurry up.”  Nolan cried.

Frowning, she quickly turned from the sink; the front of her wet apron covered with soap bubbles which were falling. “Keep your britches on, Nolan you know our chores have to be done before we can leave.”

Ruby was tall for her age, a little over 4 feet, with long wavy Brown hair that fell nearly to her waist, big Blue eyes.  Her slim figure showed that she was on her way to becoming a beautiful woman, way too soon for her parents, especially for her Daddy’s comfort.

 “Okay, okay, what do you want me to do to help?” He asked, sounding a little exasperated standing there trying not to look impatient, but, losing that battle. 

Nolan was not as tall as Ruby, but growing fast enough to overtake her in a year or less.  Standing with his hands on his hips; his blue eyes sparkling over an impish grin under a shock of curly light brown hair. 

“Why don’t you go and get our backpacks, swords, and sheaths?  I am nearly finished with the dishes and will pack a lunch for us, so we won’t have to come back until dinner time”. 

He hurried to get everything Ruby asked for, as she finished the Breakfast dishes and packed sandwiches, water, and treats.  Their parents Ty and Robin were away helping a neighbor, as they were the unofficial leaders of the New Seattle settlement. 

Chapter 2 is an introduction so I will just give you a little more.  

Chapter  3 Kids will be kids  

Ruby finished her chores and met Nolan out front with their lunch. Nolan handed her, her backpack, her scabbard, and sword, which she fastened at her back.  He had his sword belted at his waist.  Ruby’s sword is a little longer; also made of wood, and she keeps a sharp knife securely strapped to her ankle, hidden by her slacks and boots. 

Nolan had his sword at the ready and immediately tried to get through Ruby’s defenses. However her defensive moves are still a little faster than his, and she was able to disarm him in several minutes.

“You are getting better, every day Nolan, it won’t be long before we are evenly matched, then we can take on Dad and Mom, but right now, we’d better get going before the day is over,”  Ruby said a little out of breath. 

They started out around the hill, for the climb to the top, to check on the solar panels.  It would take them the better part an hour to do the climb.   Ty insisted that they are checked on every week, and most of the time Ruby and Nolan did the climb as part of their chores.  Off they went climbing up around large boulders and up the established trail to the top of the hill.  About half way up they paused and sat on a couple of boulders, sipping water, they talked about what they would do after this chore was done.

“I think that we should go check out our hide-out, to make sure some wild animals haven’t broken in and destroyed our stuff,” Nolan said.

“Okay, but I’d be surprised if it has been disturbed, and the large animals usually do not venture near our encampment.  The hunters have started to go further to hunt for meat.  “Let’s get started,” Ruby said pushing herself up and they started up the hill again. 

Chapter 4 Oh. Oh.  This is not good.  

When they crested the top of the hill, they stood stock still and stared at the wreckage in front of them.  They were shocked to see several of the Solar Panels bent nearly to the ground on the metal rods holding them, and at least two of them had big tears right through the Panels.

 Generally, when they did this climb, they would take the time to view the whole valley through their Binoculars.  It was kinda fun to see the changes their neighbors make to their homes.  Usually, they bring back news of a new barn or shed.  They always marveled at the amazing tableau before them, with cleared, planted land surrounded by huge trees that seemed to reach for the sky.  They didn’t as yet remember the names of all the trees, but they did know that they were perfect for climbing and had been campaigning for a tree house to be built in one near the River; one that they could fish from. 

“This is not good.” they both said in unison. 

“Geez, Dad will be angry, when he sees this” Nolan cried.

“I wonder if we can we straighten them again?” Ruby said as she started straining to push up the panel; even when Nolan helped, they only managed to get winded in the effort. 

“Okay, guess we will have to report it to Dad; good thing they all weren’t damaged.  We are still getting plenty of power with only two panels down”.  Nolan said.

“Let’s look around to see if we can find tracks of what did this damage,” Ruby said.

So they started walking kinda bent over looking for tracks, hoping that it wasn’t a large animal, and if it was, hoping it was not still in the area, especially with them armed with only wood swords.  Ruby didn’t think that her small knife would be very helpful.  After several minutes of looking, Nolan suddenly stood up and shouted: “Hey Ruby, come look at this.”  Ruby hurried over to see what he was hollering about, thinking that maybe he found a rabbit or deer tracks. 

As she looked at the tracks, she sucked in her breath in shock, “Nolan, those looks like claws.  This can’t be; we’ve never seen any birds large enough to make these.  We need to take pictures, and measurements, so we can prove to everyone that we didn’t imagine this.  Dad will want to know what did this damage.” Ruby said while fishing her camera out of her backpack, and snapping several quick pictures of the damage to the panels and the claw marks in the soft ground.  She also dug out her tape measure and carefully wrote down measurements on her notepad.

While she was doing this, Nolan continued to search the area; suddenly he excitedly dropped to his knees and started wiping mud off a large oval shaped rock wedged under a thick bush.  He cleared a small area about the size of a baseball, took off his glove, and was marveling at the colorful pattern on the smooth surface that actually felt and looked like glass.  As he was marveling at the colors and running his finger over them, he realized it was quite warm, and he felt a slight vibration. 

Want to read more of Ruby and Nolan’s adventures? Go to amazon.com and type in the title in the search area. The adventure continues in Book 2,3 and 4 and book 5 is on the way.  R and N cover Book 1

 

 

 

 

 

Writing about writing

That title sounds silly, but everyone does it in one way or another. There are experts that tell “how to” do every part of writing.  It all seems so intimidating to us novices that only want to tell stories.  We need to get them out of our heads or we will explode.

That sounds easy, just sit down at the computer, or at your desk with a pen and paper.  Come on, you have all those great novels just swimming around in your head, and all you have to do is pick up the pen or start typing.  You don’t even have to be particularly fast or accurate, after all there is spell check, Grammarly, and many other aids available to give you a little push.

Your friends and relatives may encourage you with words of praise for your bravery to put yourself out there, while laughing to themselves at some of the mistakes in grammar or spelling you make.  But think about this: how many times have you scratched your head when reading a best seller book at the blatant mistakes.  No one is perfect.  You won’t be either.

So enjoy writing your stories, don’t worry if no one ever reads them, because you have to tell those stories that are running around in your head. If you don’t they will eventually crash into each other and you will have a mess.

When I wrote my first book “Murder on Lake Haverly” I wanted to poke a little fun at the Real Estate profession, and reveal its under belly to the world.  I felt confident, after all, I was in the trenches for nearly 30 years.  To be honest much of what I wrote about Real Estate is true even though it is fiction.  I patterned much of the business from real experiences with real people.  I never have revealed any names and never will, but many of the people exist  and probably are still doing their thing.  If they recognize themselves, not my fault they were so strange.  My book had a little some business realism (but not boring, hopefully) and a little sexy love, a little murder, and description of fun places in Arizona, you might want to mosey on over to Amazon.com and type in Brenda Colbath and read the FREE chapters of my book. You could order it at the very small price of $.99 in ebook, if you are one of those people that have to have a book in your hands and turn pages it is available in paperback at $11.99.  I will be forever grateful if you leave me a review, they mean more to authors than you will ever know.

Thanks, have a good day.

Do Great Loves Ever Die?

This little fluff piece is just to make you think.  You are supposed to wonder if the man is dreaming, awake, or dead.  There might be a religious theme in your mind, or not.  Let me know what you think, what did it mean to you.   Thanks for reading.

He was startled awake from his happy dream by something pushing on his foot. He was lying by a sparkling mountain stream; arms folded behind his head, and they were sound asleep. The mist started to clear from his brain, and he realized that the Y branch sticking in the bank with the long freshly cut pole was desperately trying to alert him that he had a trout on the line. Setting up as quickly as he could, he saw his pole was rapidly bobbing up and down, the end nearly smacking the water. Now fully awake he grabbed the make-shift pole, his hands weren’t as nimble as they used to be, but he excitedly began to work for his breakfast.

The stream was so clear he could see to the bottom, and his trout looked huge pulling hard on the line. His mouth watered as he daydreamed of it roasting over an open flame. He shook the dream away and concentrated on landing this beauty. He remembered little else, but he knew how to play a fish and land it.

Concentrating on landing his breakfast, he knew trout have a soft mouth and could slip the hook if he wasn’t careful. Hand over hand up the pole his hands moved to grasp the line for better control. He spent several minutes letting his beauty have a little line and then gently reeling it back by winding it around his fist. Finally, the prize was within his grasp, reaching down he slid two fingers into the gills and lifted his magnificent breakfast out of the water. He pulled his knife from his jeans pocket and neatly cleaned his prize fish, okay, not as huge as he looked in the water, but surely enough to fill his and Sabine’s belly as soon as he remembered the way to his camp.

He plopped the fish in the creel beside him, and whistling walked to his camp. It appeared that his feet knew the way and they took him to a clearing, fifty careful steps from his fishing hole.

One could tell he loved camping by the neatness of his camp. His tent was erected properly, taunt with correctly placed guidelines, campfire pit lined with small stones and large ones circling them, a solid iron grille set with a big wrought iron frying pan waiting for his meal. Stoking the embers into flame, adding more wood, tossing a generous pat of butter in the pan, he was gratified his prize filled the pan. What a feast this would be, eggs wouldn’t be necessary.

The smell of the fish cooking made his mouth water, his mind clearing, focusing on the love of his life Sabine. “Where was she? Surely she could smell their breakfast cooking.” He couldn’t allow her to be a sleepyhead when such a wonderful feast was waiting. Leaving his cooking after carefully turning his prize fish in the pan, he boosted his aching body up and walked stiffly to the tent, opening the flap to let in some light and laughing he called to her, “Get up you sleepyhead, come out and join me for breakfast.”

Not only did she not answer, but there was also no Sabine. Where could she be? He recalled cuddling in their two-man sleeping bag last night, just like they used to in their youth. Of course, she must have gone exploring or needed an early morning private break. As soon as the smell of his prize breakfast

He was startled awake from his happy dream by something pushing on his foot. He was lying by a sparkling mountain stream; arms folded behind his head, and they were sound asleep. The mist started to clear from his brain, and he realized that the Y branch sticking in the bank with the long freshly cut pole was desperately trying to alert him that he had a trout on the line. Setting up as quickly as he could, he saw his pole was rapidly bobbing up and down, the end nearly smacking the water. Now fully awake he grabbed the make-shift pole, his hands weren’t as nimble as they used to be, but he excitedly began to work for his breakfast.

The stream was so clear he could see to the bottom, and his trout looked huge pulling hard on the line. His mouth watered as he daydreamed of it roasting over an open flame. He shook the dream away and concentrated on landing this beauty. He remembered little else, but he knew how to play a fish and land it.

Concentrating on landing his breakfast, he knew trout have a soft mouth and could slip the hook if he wasn’t careful. Hand over hand up the pole his hands moved to grasp the line for better control. He spent several minutes letting his beauty have a little line and then gently reeling it back by winding it around his fist. Finally, the prize was within his grasp, reaching down he slid two fingers into the gills and lifted his magnificent breakfast out of the water. He pulled his knife from his jeans pocket and neatly cleaned his prize fish, okay, not as huge as he looked in the water, but surely enough to fill his and Sabine’s belly as soon as he remembered the way to his camp.

He plopped the fish in the creel beside him, and whistling walked to his camp. It appeared that his feet knew the way and they took him to a clearing, fifty careful steps from his fishing hole.

One could tell he loved camping by the neatness of his camp. His tent was erected properly, taunt with correctly placed guidelines, campfire pit lined with small stones and large ones circling them, a solid iron grille set with a big wrought iron frying pan waiting for his meal. Stoking the embers into flame, adding more wood, tossing a generous pat of butter in the pan, he was gratified his prize filled the pan. What a feast this would be, eggs wouldn’t be necessary.

The smell of the fish cooking made his mouth water, his mind clearing, focusing on the love of his life Sabine. “Where was she? Surely she could smell their breakfast cooking.” He couldn’t allow her to be a sleepyhead when such a wonderful feast was waiting. Leaving his cooking after carefully turning his prize fish in the pan, he boosted his aching body up and walked stiffly to the tent, opening the flap to let in some light and laughing he called to her, “Get up you sleepyhead, come out and join me for breakfast.”

Not only did she not answer, but there was also no Sabine. Where could she be? He recalled cuddling in their two-man sleeping bag last night, just like they used to in their youth. Of course, she must have gone exploring or needed an early morning private break. As soon as the smell of his prize breakfast reached her nose, she would be over the moon excited and come running back to help him devour the fish. She loved to camp as much as he did and loved eating freshly caught fish, as long as she didn’t have to touch their slimy bodies. He smiled remembering the time she actually caught one, but couldn’t bear to touch it until it came out of the frying pan.

We went back to the fire and made sure that the fish had not burned, but was golden brown and thoroughly cooked. He let his eyes wander over the magnificent view. In the distance, he marveled at the white-capped mountains sparkling in the rising sun. High Pines towered in the distance, but around his clearing, their home away from home much smaller trees made an excellent windbreak, which was exactly why he picked this perfect spot.

Damn, the fish was cooked just right. He called several times and scouted around the camp for several minutes. Sabine must have gone looking for mushrooms or exploring. She was as capable as woods-man as he was, so he was not worried about her getting lost. It wasn’t like Sabine to wander so far away that she would not hear him call. He kept calling, but she was nowhere to be found and didn’t answer his calls.

He wasn’t going to let this breakfast go to waste, so he sat down and dug in. When he filled his belly sufficiently, he still had over half of the fish left. As soon as the fish was wrapped and stored in the cooler, he decided it was time to make a concerted effort to find Sabine. He would have a serious talk with her about not scaring him like this again.

He gathered up his backpack with enough water for both of them, slinging it over his back, taking his hiking pole to steady his old legs, not looking forward to this upcoming trek.

He started walking in the direction that he assumed Sabine had taken when the scenery started to fade. His memory of last night and this morning was receding into a dream-like fugue.

“I’m not ready,” he yelled to no one, “I have to find Sabine.” The voice never told him when it was time. It was never clear what was happening or what he was supposed to do. Voices were booming around him and inside his head. He could hear people talking about pushing, and suddenly he knew that he had no choice in where he was going or when, and it seemed to be NOW. Everything faded out, and he was gone.

On the third page of the daily news the next day, was a small article. “The Bodies of an older couple were found by hikers. Authorities believe they fell and were unable to summon help. They suffered broken bones from the fall and died in each other’s arms”.

“Push again, Mary, she’s almost here. I can see the crown of her head, one more push and we will see Sally’s beautiful face. You can hold her first, but I get to hold her second. Rest and catch your breath.” Mary lay her head back on the pillow and with a sigh, said, “Thanks, coach, we couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Janie is next door giving birth to her best friend,” Jaimie said holding her hand.

Next door Janie gave her last big push bringing her new baby boy into the world. Frank was delayed at work and would be heartbroken to miss his son’s birth. Janie waited as long as she could, but the labor progressed a lot faster than they anticipated. Finally, Janie held her baby in her arms, unwrapping his blanket to marvel at his beautiful eyes, his tiny hands, and feet. Once she was sure he was all there, she wrapped him up again. She anxiously watched the door, waiting for Justin to meet his father.

And it begins again

 

Life is strange, just when you think you have closed the door on one chapter of your life, a new door opens.  The trick is to have enough guts to step through the door and embrace what is waiting to challenge your courage.

I have discovered that I hate being the new kid on the block.  It might be understandable if you knew my history.  I grew up on a farm and learned hard work was followed by simple fun.  There wasn’t much social life living 8 miles from any town.

After graduation, life continued with working and learning about life, sometimes the hard way, sometimes learning was delightful.

After meeting and marrying the love of my life, I settled down to being a Mother, which was the best job I ever had.  When the Children were in Junior High I realized that my job skills were a little rusty, actually they were rusted solid.

My husband suggested Real Estate, and after looking at the qualifications I decided I had just enough to sneak in the door.  That started a 30 year career as a Residential and Commercial Realtor.

So now you are up to date on my entire life in a nut-shell, which sometime described many of the characters and episodes of that business.  I loved the business and amazingly I was a very good Realtor.  I again learned everything the hard way, but I learned it well.

When I retired and we started traveling I had some time on my hands and started writing about my experiences.  I couldn’t name names so I decided to make it a fictional account, changing the names and events to sometimes protect the innocent and sometimes to protect the guilty.

As I started writing I realized I could make it more interesting by adding murders, jail breaks, love stories with a little sex, and draw from my traits for the main strong female character.  By the way, the sexy boyfriend was just for fun, I have been married to the love of my life for 55 years.  I also never have gone skinny dipping with a client.

The name of the first story I wrote is “Murder on Lake Haverly”, A Maye West Mystery book 1.  I self published it on Amazon and it sells for $.99.

mwmysteries-book-1-cover-9

What took you so long?

Wow!  It has been more than 24 hours and only one person from the 623 area code (that’s  in Arizona) has called to bend my ears on what they think about the “Sit In” in the House of Representatives to try to get a vote on gun safety.

You perhaps wondering why anyone would call me and not the White House?  Well almost 20 years ago I got a cell phone for my Real Estate business and was given my nice new telephone number, unfortunately I share the number with the White House.

If you call the White House message line from the 623 area code, and you fail to dial a “1” you will get my cell phone, at all hours of the day and the night!   Thank you so much!

BTW I am not very nice at 3:00 AM!  If you get me out of bed more than two or three times, I am downright nasty!

Most of you just start rattling off your views of the state of the world and what you know should be done to fix it, without taking a breath  so I can interrupt.

Some of you ask to speak to President Obama!  Right! He is sitting right next to his RED phone with baited breath waiting for you to call.

In the past I have thought of many cute things to say, but sanity prevailed and I just informed you that you need to dial a 1.

I loved the people that call back several times as they just don’t believe me.

The only good thing about this is I always know that some crap has hit the fan in politics!  Some years it is smellier that others.

I figured that at sometime I would have talked to everyone in that area code, but, alas today I got another call.  Hence this epistle.

 

 

To review or not to review

I love to read if I have the time I would read 4,5 or 6 books a week.  Unfortunately my time and lately my eyes tell me that is too many.

Many of the books I read are from Amazon, on my Kindle.  Since I am a full time RV’er I have room to pack the kindle with tons of books.  And yes I know that most RV’ers give and take books from the lending library at the Resorts.

One of my pet peeves is turned down pages on a book and the use of weird things for book marks.  But that is just me!  My kindle is always on the last page I read.

Anyway, my point is, when I read a book my first thought is to review it in my mind.  I leave reviews for writers when they are really good, when the characters jump out at me and leave enough of an impression that I remember their names and the plot of the story.

Recently, I have begun writing again and have a book on Kindle, it is disheartening as a writer to have people read my book and not take the time and effort to write a short review.  I understand that as a new writer I have a lot to learn, and the probability of becoming a best seller is not very high, however everyone has to start somewhere.  I love to create characters give them life, and sometimes let them die, and for a short time I live in their world with them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Trickle Down Theory

The Trickle Down Theory

WORKS!

If you are the Trickleor

If you are the Tricklee

Not So Much!

All the jobs I’ve loved and hated before

All the jobs I’ve loved and hated before

In my long young life I have worked at many places some were nice and some were not so nice.

My first job was picking potatoes.  I was only allowed to pick on Saturday and Sunday as Mom wanted one of her kids to graduate from High School.

The pay was peanuts: $.20 a barrel which holds about 3 bushels.  A “section” was about long enough to fill one bushel basket with potatoes.  By the way, the best way to pick the fastest was to stand and bend over at the waist and pick them up one by one using both hands.  I could pick about 20 or 30 barrel a day.  My mother could pick 100 barrels a day.  Amazing woman!   The funniest thing that happened was when one of the pickers put his arm around my Mother to get a little kiss.  He had obviously drunk his lunch or he never would have tried that with her!  She brought her fist up from her waist and laid him out, cold!  No one ever bothered her again.  We didn’t know we were poor.  I loved canned Franco-American Spaghetti cold from the can for lunch more than sandwiches.

We also picked beans and it was harder than potatoes and no more money and it takes a lot more beans to make a bushel than potatoes.

My first real paying job was waitressing!  I was so green and naive and the owner was a really nice guy, but had a cracked sense of humor.  He told me that the Crullers (long round donuts) were called “Male Donuts”.  I called them that until someone took pity on me and explained it to me.  I got a lot of tips because even though I was not a great waitress, I laughed at myself along with them.

Another job was at a new Shoe Store.  My boss told me all about this new shoe that was called “a pound a pair”.  I was fascinated with it and soaked up all the best-selling points.  One day a guy came in and I started telling him all about them, eve had a pair on his feet before he again took pity on me and introduced himself as the owner of the store.  My boss was laughing so hard she nearly wet her pants.  He was impressed though, unfortunately I didn’t get a raise.

I once worked as a waitress for Howard Johnson in South Carolina.  We were supposed to carry everything on a big tray, even if it was a pat of butter!  One day everyone was all in a twitter because the big guy himself was coming in for lunch.  Nobody wanted the honors of waiting on him.  I volunteered and everyone said empathically NO!  I was told to hide in the back room and not to come out under any circumstances!  That job didn’t last long as I was responsible for more broken dishes than the money I earned.  Oh well!  I hated the job and the uniforms!

Now the uniform of the next job was up my alley!  A t-shirt and a pair of little red shorts (I was a lot smaller then) and a pair of rolling skates!  I was a Car Hop if you didn’t guess that already! Girls my age (18) weren’t supposed to serve alcohol so when someone ordered Beer we served it in the plastic cups that milk-shakes were served in.  I got tons of tips and several invitations to go out on the guy’s boats for an ocean cruise.  Now, I am naïve, but not stupid!  Out on a boat on the ocean miles from land with a couple guys and no way to walk home?  I let them tip me real big, but no cruises.

Hey I dated one guy for a couple of weeks, and he seemed nice until two Men in Black Suits knocked on my door with guns under their jackets and nice gold badges in a wallet asked me a lot of questions about that guy.  I spilled my guts!  And the next week I packed up and left town.  My Mother didn’t raise no fools!  Well, I did have two brothers.

I moved to Hartford Conn and went to work for Hartford Fire Insurance as a Keypunch Operator.  What a fun job, setting all day punching holes in cards that the guys across the file cabinets used in the computers?  I put a question behind computers, as they were the very beginning of computers.  My boss used to tell me “A change is as good as a rest” when she pushed something new on me.  This great piece of advice was from a woman that drank her lunch every day.  I lived with two room-mates and that was so much fun.  One of them was such a ditz that the other girl and I helped and encouraged her to get married as fast we could.  The other girl was nice but evidently Mom took such good care of her that she was incompetent at anything that had to do with cleaning.  While I slaved every Saturday washing all my clothes by hand and hung them out to dry and ironed everything she seemed to always be neat and clean for work.  I made the mistake of borrowing one of her blouses and discovered that she never washed anything, when most of her clothes were dirty, she mailed them to her mother, who washed starched and ironed them and mailed them back.  She also failed to get up and get ready for work so many times and we had to pay a taxi that I started to leave her to pay it by herself.

I once got a job even thought my typing skill was minus 10 words a minute!  I got the job because I knew how to set a tab.

Working in the Shoe Shop was an experience that everyone should have! My job was to zig zag the backs of Ice Skates, Bowling Shoes, and Golf shoes on an industrial sewing machine.  I would do about 30 pairs at a time and cut them apart.  I was and am still very fast with my hands and I am ambidextrous.  I wanted a raise from 1 cent a pair to 2 or 3 cents a pair, so when the boss (not the sharpest tool in the shed) came by with his stop watch to time me (supposedly without me noticing) I did a lot of movements and not much work, until he left.  I never got the raise and as a matter of fact, I was escorted to the door and told that they didn’t need me anymore.  There were three very good reasons.  1. I talked up Unions.  2. One of the Supervisors called me out of the bathroom to tell me to get back to work!  I picked him up by the front of his shirt and put him up against the wall with his feet dangling and told him never to call me out of the bathroom again.  3. Another Supervisor thought that we should date and dogged me everywhere. I dodged him but when he got too friendly at work. I told him NEVER to put his hands on me!  Unfortunately for him he attempted it after I saw him put his arms around the girl next to me and fondle her boobs.  I attempted to give him a vasectomy without the anesthetic. If he was slower with his hand I might have accomplished the deed.

When I explained number 3 to the Unemployment Department I was granted full unemployment benefits.

This brings me up to the time I settled down; got married and raised a family! Stay tuned for the next chapter to follow about 20 years later.

Nadar’s Raiders why have you forsaken us?

Nadar’s Raiders why have you forsaken us?

Your dream was only to become President of the US

We wanted you to shine a light on the manufacturer’s short cuts

We needed you to continue making a big fuss

Over their huge profit by using lies and such

You told us what they used to make the shoddy toys

And let everyone know what they were up to

You wouldn’t become one of the good old boys

And helped give some of them the boot and shoe

The advertising of those products on TV

That showed us that they were the best

And the miracles they claimed them to be

Was all smoke and mirrors we could laugh and tee hee!

The soap that didn’t wash like they claimed

The cribs weren’t he safe as they should be

And our children were maimed

We saw what we needed to see

And stopped buying the things they presented

With golden voice or sexy slinking

And stayed with the things that you recommended

We were glad you got us thinking

But there came to you the sirens song

Of gaining the all-important elected office of the President

Maybe you planned to achieve it all along

And we didn’t matter, only your intent

We wish there was someone to take up your staff

And forge ahead with your quest

To make the big guys not take their profit out of our half

And not listen to them and only work on our behalf

Bigger, Stronger and Smarter, but not necessarily in that order!

Recipe for raising children!  At least that was ours.

I’ll give you an example of someone that did not get or understand that concept.

We invited a couple over to our apartment to play cards.

The mother said “We would love to, but our daughter just will not go to bed, she will stand right at our shoulder and annoy all of us”.

“Don’t worry, just have her in her pajamas and I guarantee that she will not fight going to bed for me”.

So the evening arrived and before they got there I went into our bedroom and turned down the bed and sprinkled some “Magic Powder” on our bed and made it up again.

When they arrived, and introduced us to their daughter, I took her aside and asked her to come with me to see the bed that she would go to sleep in. When we got the bedroom I turned down the bed a little and said to her, “I just wanted to show you where you will sleep, but not now, as a matter of fact be careful, because I put some “Magic Powder” in your bed and if you smell it now you will fall instantly asleep.  When you are ready to go to sleep, just tell me that you want to smell the “Magic Powder” and we will come in and you can get into bed.

She was dying of curiosity, and wanted to smell the magic powder, because of course, I wouldn’t let her near the bed.  I played it up real big and told her not even to get too close to the bed.  I told her to come back out in the kitchen with me and only tell me when she really wants to smell the Magic Powder.

She watched us play cards for a while and finally her curiosity got the better of her and she asked me to let her go in the bedroom and smell the Magic Powder.

I did it up big again, and led her into the bedroom and asked again if she was ready to go to sleep, because she would fall asleep in just a few minutes.

She got into the bed and smelled the “Magic Powder” and we talked for a few minutes and sure enough her eyes got heavy and she dropped off.

We had a nice time playing cards and her parents had to carry her out to the car.

I still can’t believe this, but the next day her mother called me and asked “Where can I get some of that “Magic Powder” so I can get her to go to sleep”!

I told her “you dope, it was Baby Powder”!

Maine Bed and Breakfast Contest

This is the entry that I would have sent in if I had wanted to own a large Bed and Breakfast in Main for only a 200 word essay and $125.00.

Why would a couple, that have never owned or even worked in a Bed & Breakfast in Maine or anywhere else, want to own one? Well, because it is in our home state! Yes, we were born and raised in Maine.   One thing that we can bring with us is a ghost! That’s right; we have our own personal ghost. My Mother! She always loved my husband, me not so much! But she puts up with me just so she can be near him.  She doesn’t rattle chains or anything gross, but she just might hide things, mostly from us, and she just might make all our flowers bloom and the birds sing.   Everything she planted just flourished and she knew all the bird’s names and they would eat out of her hand.

We have worked for other people when we had to, but the most fun we had was working for ourselves. Long hours and hard labor mean nothing when you love your boss. We have been bossing each other for 53 years, and we don’t see that changing any time soon.

Are we qualified? Of course not! No one in their right mind would tackle something this big. But we have been accused of having more guts than brains; we took it as a compliment.   We are ready willing and able to come back to Maine and play host to all those lovely people who want to have Maine Lobster experience. By the way, Mother is already packed!

Damn Wrinkles

Damn wrinkles!

You sneak up on me,

In the dead of night

When I’m not looking.

You give me such a fright

when in the mirror I peak.

You stare back at me!

I scrub and I cream

But still you sneak!

Upon my face,

Upon my neck!

I am losing

The battle of the creases.

Oh, what the heck!

I still don’t look my age

So I have been told,

By kind people that I meet,

Advice I choose to take as sage.

Dearly Beloved and Unbeloved

I wrote this and submitted to my GM at a RV Resort because we were working on a renew Wedding vows theme.  It was rejected, as a matter of fact the whole theme was rejected in favor of a Photo Op of anyone that wanted sort of wedding pictures.

She said it was “sort of funny” in a couple of places.  I leave it up to you to decide if it was a little funny.

Dearly Beloved and Unbeloved

We are gathered here within the site of Lost Dutchman’s Mine on Superstition Mountain to re-new our commitments to all of  our long suffering spouses.

The ceremony is short just like our memories!   Which is a blessing, or none of us would still be married to the dumb-ass person standing beside us!

Matrimony is a solemn state, to which none of us entered into in our right minds.

If anyone present can show more than one reason why any of these people should still be joined, speak now and we will all forget what you said in 5 minutes or less.

Do you solemnly swear to continue suffering through all their peccadillos for the rest or your life or until divorce is a new addition to Medicare part Z with no deductible?

Do you promise to stick together through thin and thick, sickness, which is likely and health which is un likely!  Through Joy, which lasted through the honeymoon and sorrow which lasts forever!

After giving and receiving many insults throughout the years, we do pronounce you joined at the hip in your RV until it is paid off or you forget where you parked it.

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