Do not annoy the little woman

 

My husband and I were still newlyweds when he was “invited” or “commanded” to attend a cocktail party at his Regional Managers prestigious home just outside of Boston Massachusets

We were excited, of course, to see how the upper class lived.  When we arrived were offered a drink, I, of course, accepted a glass of white wine, and Shirl accepted a ginger ale.  We mingled with the other guests and were having a good time.

The Regional Manager  (I will call him Fred, not his real name) got close to me and said in a conspirital tone, “Mrs. Colbath, I noticed your husband did not have a cocktail or wine.”

“Yes, that is true; he does not drink.  As a matter of fact, he has never had a drink in his life.”

“That is interesting because I personally reviewed his AVA test, and it shows he does not have an addictive personality.  So he could have a drink without any harmful effects.  Why don’t we slip him a drink and see what happens; what do you think?”

By this time, I was a little annoyed; okay, I was a little pissed that anyone would consider slipping my husband a mickey when they knew he chose not to drink.

“Okay, Fred, let’s do it!  It will be fun to see him let loose.  He hasn’t had a drink in forever; he is an alcoholic, you know, but it will be fun to watch!  I might suggest you move that vase and those lovely ceramic busts.  The last time he got drunk, he broke every stick of furniture in the house.  This will be a hoot!”  I enthusiastically said.

Fred immediately left me standing in the corner and sashayed over to Shirl, hooking his arm in his.  For the remainder of the evening, he stayed by his side, telling everyone that, “Shirl doesn’t drink!”  He watched him like a hawk.

I, on the other hand, watching this performance, was trying not to laugh out loud.  I enjoyed the evening more than Fred will ever know.

We finally left the party, and on the way home, I confessed what I had done.  I was a little afraid Shirl might be a little mad at me for pulling a stunt like that.  He said, “I wondered why he was staying so close to me all evening.”   We have laughed more about that in the following years

It is amazing how many people have tried to slip him a drink over the years.  People that you would assume loved him and cared for him.  He is not an alcoholic; he is just honoring his Mother’s wishes.

The picture at the top of the page is our wedding picture.

 

Bigger, Stronger, and Smarter, but not necessarily in that order!

unrecognizable person sleeping under blanket
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

My philosophy of raising children is simple.  You need patience, lots of patience!  And you need to talk to them.

Discipline is okay, but those little people are incredibly smart, and they can reason. They remember everything, and later in life, your actions to and for them will bite you in the ass.

You, right now, are shaping the next generation!

You are not their friend; you are their parents! They will be a carbon copy of you.  Make sure it is an improvement of yourself. 

My husband and I love to play games.  Our favorite is Cribbage.  My co-worker expressed an interest in learning the game, so I invited her and her husband to our apartment to play cards. She seemed a lot of fun at work and was sure we would have a fun night.

The mother said, “We would love to, but our daughter just will not go to bed; we have tried that before, and she would stand right at our shoulder and annoy the hell out of us.”

I told her, “Don’t worry, just have her in her pajamas, and I guarantee that she not only will not fight to go to bed but will also ask me to let her go to bed!”

She said, “Okay, I have to see this!” I cautioned her to go along with anything I said.

The evening arrived!  Before their arrival, I prepared our bedroom.  I turned down the bed and sprinkled my “Magic Powder” on our bed and made it up again.

When the couple arrived, they introduced us to their daughter.  I took her aside and asked her to come with me to see the surprise I prepared just for her.  I led her to our bedroom.  As I turned down the bed a little, I said to her, “I just wanted to show you where you will sleep when you are ready.”

She looked at the bed but said nothing.    

I continued, “but of course not now, as a matter of fact, you should not get too close to the bed, because I put “Magic Powder” in the bed.  This is a powerful Magic Powder,  and if you smell it now,  you will fall instantly asleep!”  

I kept between her and the bed and continued, “When you are ready to go to sleep, just tell me that you want to smell the “Magic Powder,” and we will come in, and you can get into bed. The minute you smell the Magic Powder, you will fall instantly asleep and have wonderful dreams!”

I could tell she really wanted to smell my Magic Powder but was didn’t want to go to sleep, so she allowed me to lead her to the living room. She couldn’t wait to tell her parents, and they played along. 

She was dying of curiosity and wanted to smell the magic powder.  But of course, I cautioned her no go near the bed.  I played it up real big.  I told her to only tell me when she wants to smell the Magic Powder.

She watched us play cards for a while, and finally, her curiosity got the better of her. and she asked me to let her go in the bedroom and smell the Magic Powder.  The look on her parent’s faces was priceless.

I did it up big again, and led her into the bedroom, and asked again if she was sure she was ready to go to sleep because she would fall asleep in just a few minutes.

She got into the bed and smelled the “Magic Powder,” and we talked for a few minutes.  In just a few minutes, her eyes got heavy, and she dropped off.

We had a nice time playing cards and later her parents had to carry her out to their car.

I still can’t believe this, but the next day her mother called me and asked, “Where can I get some of that “Magic Powder?”  I need some; I can’t get her to go to sleep without it!”

Will Rogers

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.  Enjoy the following:

“Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.” – Will Rogers

“It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.” – Will Rogers

“An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.” – Will Rogers

“You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.” – Will Rogers

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” – Will Rogers

“The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” – Will Rogers

“I am not a member of any organized political party — I am a Democrat.” – Will Rogers

“If you feel the urge, don’t be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?” – Will Rogers

“The problem ain’t what people know. It’s what people know that ain’t so that’s the problem.” – Will Rogers

“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re actually paying for.” – Will Rogers

“Buy land. They ain’t making any more of the stuff.” – Will Rogers

“There are men running governments who shouldn’t be allowed to play with matches.” – Will Rogers

“What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.” – Will Rogers

“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.” – Will Rogers

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.” – Will Rogers

“Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it’s not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago.”- Will Rogers

“It is better for someone to think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” – Will Rogers

I hope these thoughts made you laugh. We all need a laugh now and then. We also need to laugh at ourselves, might as well, or someone will do it for you.

Have a little fun today, and stay safe!

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So you wanta buy a car, sweetie?

Many years ago when I was a fresh faced Real Estate Agent! I had my heart set on a new car. I worked my little tush off earning money, and it was burning a hole in my pocket. The fact I was driving clients around in a pale blue Volkswagon bus was my motivation.

My Hubby offered to go with me to look at cars, because my knowledge of vehicles was a little less than his. We drove the half hour to Olympia, Washington from our small town, Montesano to look at several dealerships in search for the perfect vehicle for ME!

The first place we stopped was well-stocked with used vehicles. One Red Mercury caught my eye at the same time the salesman approached us. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she, sir?” he said. Hubby said, “Yes, it looks great, my wife is buying the car for her Real Estate business.”

“Sir, would you like to try it out? We can take it for a drive so you can see how it handles in city traffic.” Shirl looked at me and I nodded yes. He said to the salesman, which may have been retired military, “Yes, my wife would like to try it out.”

Mr. Salesman had us wait for him to go get the keys. While he was gone, we giggled a little at the fact that he didn’t talk to me, only to Shirl, my hubby. Back he hustled with the keys, which he handed to Shirl, and opened the front driver’s side door for him to enter. We looked at each other and smiled, and Shirl got behind the wheel.

Mr. Salesman then opened the rear door an “helped” me in the back seat. He then got in on the passenger side beside Shirl. Telling him all the features of the car. I asked a couple questions and he gave Shirl the answers. We drove around for a little while, and Shirl finally said, “This handles nice, but like we told you, my wife is the one buying the car, so maybe she should try it out, too.

“Yes, of course.” Mr. Salesman said, as he pulled over and parked. He helped me into the front drivers seat, and putting Shirl in the back seat. “Now Mrs. Colbath, this is the emergency brake, and you release it like this. You just pull the gear shift handle down to the “D” on the display, and you are good to go. The peddle on the left, next to the gas peddle is the brake. You should push it gently unless you need to stop very quickly. This car is very powerful so gently press the gas.”

I followed his instructions, both my husband and I barely keeping from cracking up. I have to admit, I had a great time giving Mr. Salesman the ride of his life all over Olympia. This was pre-seatbelts, and by the time I brought him back to the dealership, he was probably in need of a bathroom break, if it wasn’t too late.

We thanked him and went on our way.

Have a good day, and stay safe.

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