This is all in fun, and no aspersions are meant to anyone’s beliefs! This came to me in a dream, and I couldn’t resist sharing it just for laughs!

Knock, Knock, “Hey, hello buddy, long time no see, come on in and sit awhile! Thanks! Jesus, I am sorry it has been so long between visits; things have been hectic down in my  world!”

“Tell me about it! We’ve been so busy, we can’t see straight up here! That pandemic is raising hell with our business; we are busier than one-armed paper hangers!”

“Hey, watch the language; someone might be listening, and catch you with your pants down!” The two old friends both shook with laughter as they hugged. “You’ve got that right! We have been inundated with people dropping in and begging for admission. Everyone is dying to have a good time! Whatcha got good to drink?”

Opening the refrigerator door and seeing only milk, shaking his head, bending down, and reaching way into the back, finds a couple of bottles of red wine. Filling two beautifully decorated crystal wine glasses to the top, he hands one to his friend and takes a big drink.

“Hey, business isn’t that bad, is it? Take it easy; maybe you should save some of that wine for communions!”

“No need, it is delivered by the truckload! We are full and overflowing every Sunday.” He said as he emptied his glass and filled it again. “I sure hope you are having fun down there. Everyone up here is miserable! The message doesn’t stick more than a day or two?”

“Did you ever think that they like being themselves! No more goody two shoes on Sunday and then freedom. With me, they can be their true selves ALL THE TIME,” he said as he gulped down the last of his wine and held his glass out for a re-fill. They continued drinking and refilling for the better part of two hours.

“Damn, that’s the last of the wine; hang on while I see if there is more hidden in the back.”  He lumbered over to the fridge and, scanning the contents, saw no more wine. He turned around to find a beautiful woman with shiny bright red skin and nothing else on her spectacular body. She was standing uncomfortably close to him with a bottle in each hand, cradling two of the most majestic breasts. Taking the bottles, he watched her slink seductively over to his friend, straddling his lap, smothered him with kisses. They snuggled so close it was hard to see where her red body ended, and his friend’s body began.  

He yanked the bottle open so hard he almost broke the neck and poured three glasses, thinking, “Damn, I wonder if I picked the wrong side of the street? Things have been pretty dry lately! Doesn’t seem fair that a bunch of old farts smokin’ hashish decided these stupid rules. Whatever made them think a lifetime of being celibacy was a good idea or could be done? Just because they couldn’t get it up doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t!”

The three finished the two bottles, and magically two more appeared to take their place. As the evening progressed, more bottles appeared as soon as one was thrown empty to the floor. 

The guest noticed that his heavenly host had removed his heavy garments one at a time until he was naked as a jaybird. He wove a drunkard, sexy dance with his beautiful companion. It had been so long since he had felt this horny he wasn’t sure what to do, but his lusty dance partner certainly did! She led him to the next room and, closing the door, the things she did, made him lose his heavenly mind. 

When they finally re-appeared, he was grinning from ear to ear and needed sustance, and his good friend supplied a banquet fit for a King! They ate until they could eat no more! They sat back, rubbing their bellies, just looking at each other.

Finally, they all broke out in laughter! 

“God, I thought I’d never see you ever let your hair down, but tonight you sure did!”

“The Devil with you! You two trapped me! I have kept myself pure for thousands of years, except for that one time. But that was necessary to save the God-damned world. I needed to beget my only son. ”

“Jesus, what exactly did we do to you?”

“Don’t call me that; you know that is my Son’s name!” He said, sounding angry.

“Yeah, we all know that, but let’s get a little truth some here, and tell the God’s honest truth! You desired that innocent little virgin, and you had her, didn’t you? And it was in the flesh! Admit it! You got her preggers and palmed her off on poor Joseph. Do you really believe they lived as brother and sister? If they did, wouldn’t that have been incest! And, do you want me to believe you didn’t “visit” her in the flesh from time to time?”

“Well, I had to make sure she was doing okay; after all, she was carrying my child.” He said, trying to look fatherly, but failing.

“Yeah, really! It’s a wonder that she didn’t have quintuplets!”  He said, laughing so hard tears ran down his face.

And his friend tried but failed to look chagrinned.

Finally, he realized he was “outed,” and he said, “She was a sweet loving Christian woman and obeyed her heavenly father’s commands with enthusiasm. Too bad Joseph never got a chance to taste the honey from that fair maiden.” He said, thinking back with a big smile on his face.

“And, what makes you think he didn’t keep her happy? You know, you can’t be everywhere all the time.”

“Of course, I can!”

“Sweetheart, show our friend your real self!”

 And with a flourish, all the bright red skin vanished, and she wore the habit befitting the time of her youth.” 

“Oh my God! Mary? You chose this guy? Over me? You could have sat on the throne beside me, forever!”

“And be put on that pedestal with all the other virgins? No, thank you! I want to have fun, and I am having a wonderful time.” She said as she moved close and pressed her luscious body to him, which now desired more of her amazing lovemaking. He grabbed her clothing, removed it with a flourish, picked her up, carried her to the next room, kicking the door shut with his foot. 

When they finally emerged from the room, he was chagrined and satisfied, and she again dressed in her “Mary” costume. His friend was sleeping in the arms of another even more beautiful woman.

He sat up suddenly, nearly dumping his goddess off his lap! “God, I figured out what we should do! Let’s change places, and I will rule your kingdom; you can rule mine for a few hundred years! Whatcha think?” 

“Don’t you think someone would notice if we changed places?”

“Hell, no one ever sees us in the flesh, so to speak, how would they know?”

“Alright, but I take my little virgin with me!”

Did you notice the switch? I sure as hell didn’t!

Published by Time Traveler of Life

Biography Creating worlds, characters, and wielding power like a madwoman, making my characters happy, sad, angry, and some of them with no redeeming qualities. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I sometimes laugh out loud when I am writing a scene, and I have been known to cry when one of my favorites has to die. I am a left-handed Gemini, what do you expect? Reading bedtime stories to my two children until they fell asleep or until they just told me to go away, was fun. Making up wild stories for my grandchild, and creating Halloween costumes from Cowboys to a Dragon, was another favorite thing to do. I missed that so much when they were grown, that I started writing. My yearly newsletters frequently were drafted third-person by my Love Birds, Miranda our motorhome, and by Sir Fit the White Knight, our faithful Honda. Throughout the years, some of my creative talents centered around writing letters of complaint expressing my displeasure with services or products. One crucial, at least to my Son, was a note to our local school bus driver petitioning her to allow him back on the bus. He was kicked off for making an obscene gesture at his buddy. I reminded her that it was not directed at her, and that “obscenity can be in the eye of the beholder,” kids use that gesture as a greeting. He rode the bus until he graduated. I loved driving my English teacher crazy. Leaving a “continued next week” at the end of my five handwritten pages required each week. He was one of many people that suggested I “do something about my writing.” I graduated from the School of Hard Knocks at the top of my class. After 30 years, in the trenches as a Real Estate Professional, I have found that truth is stranger than fiction. My books are filled with characters I met in that profession. Their names were changed to protect the guilty. Others were from people we met traveling around the country in Miranda, our Motorhome. I am married nearly 60 years to the love of my life, Shirl, and partner-produced two exceptionally talented children, and one grandchild who is our pride and joy.

16 thoughts on “Friends?

  1. Wild dream my friend and I think even Jesus would find it amusing. As smart as he is he most certainly has a good sense of humor. Plus he loves us more than we could ever imagine. Jesus’s first miracle was to turn water into wine and the best wine at that. Sending you love and blessings dear Brenda. 🤗❤️🦋🥰

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