Chapter 1.
One minute, I am soaring on a spectacular mountain road, literally on top of the world, with magnificent clouds nearly touching the ground. The next minute, I am in complete darkness! The dammed GPS didn’t say anything about any fucking tunnels on this road. Dammit!
I am super excited about my new job, a brand-new car, and a long-awaited weekend of fun! If Mountain View Resort is half as exciting as advertised, it will be a weekend to remember forever!
Wait a minute! Why am I lying on a cold, hard bed with a rough sheet covering me from head to foot? And what in hell is that disgusting smell? It can’t be me!
Wait just a God Damned minute!
Before I could figure out what was happening, the ugly sheet was lifted, letting in a tiny bit of light, and I saw a rough string tied on my big toe! This can’t be right. Don’t they only do that to corpses?
I AM NOT DEAD!
I’VE GOT MY WHOLE LIFE LEFT TO LIVE!
I’m screaming HELP at the top of my lungs!
Fuck, either no one hears me or gives a shit!
OK, this is better. I am moving. I’d better be heading into surgery. How come I’m not hurting anywhere? Oh damn! I must have been in a wreck! I wonder how badly my new car and I are injured! Oh well, no worries! Insurance will either fix my car or total it, and I’ll get a new one, and surgery will fix me! They must have given me a shitload of painkillers because I can’t even move my little finger, and the only thing coming out of my mouth is spit! I think it is spit, but it does taste kinda metallic.
This is better; I’ve finally stopped, but it is deathly quiet! If I am in surgery, why aren’t the Doctors and Nurses talking? And the machines should be making noise.
Without any warning, the rough sheet is snatched off my naked body, and dammit, I am being tortured by a blast of icy cold water entering every nook and cranny of my body. And, dammit, I can’t move or scream!
I am going to kick the shit out of that jerk that is torturing me as soon as I can move! Why won’t my god dammed body listen to me? I can’t do anything, and I am glued to this dammed metal table, freezing my ass off!
What kind of hospital is this, anyway?
My eyelids refuse to OPEN. And if I am heading into surgery, why am I still naked, and what’s with the cold shower?
Well, I can guarantee I will do more than scream bloody murder at the first Doctor I get my hands on!
Oh shit! A mean-looking bastard is approaching. He is tall, with more whiskers on his face than humanly possible, and he looks at me through thick Coke bottle glasses. His white doctor’s coat is filthy! This is weird! Doctors always keep their coats immaculate! I can see him approaching, though my eyes are still glued shut.
What the hell is that son of a bitch doing with that knife?
I am screaming as loud as I can but not making a dammed sound! Shit, wait a minute, that isn’t a knife; that’s a scalpel!
All right, things are looking up; I must finally be in surgery!
I can’t see the room I’m in. It is totally dark, with only one very bright light overhead that would blind me if I could open my eyes!
When a large V-shaped flap of skin smacks me in the face, I still can’t speak or move! Help! What the fuck is that son of a bitch doing?
OMG, I just saw that bastard slap my heart on a scale. And before I can protest, the rest of my organs follow suit!
Dammit, I need those things! “Put them back, you son of a bitch!” I scream, but he doesn’t listen and keeps on talking into a microphone, droning on and on about how many pounds and millimeters everything weighs. Finally, he is done, and he sews an ugly, horribly stitched V-shaped tattoo on my chest. I am screaming bloody murder, but no one hears me!
Shit! I thought a surgeon would do better than that. At least my perky boobs are still there!
This is only the first chapter of a short story for my irreverent friends. It is not intended to make fun of anyone or their beliefs. It is just in fun.
Let me know what you think as this morning I noticed Russsa, China, Canada., and the US is on my blog.
Have a great day! See ya next time.