Friendly Visitor

This is all fun, and no aspersions
are meant for anyone’s beliefs! This came to me in a dream, and I couldn’t
resist sharing it just for laughs! Knock, Knock!

Hey, hello buddy, long time no see; come in and have a seat!

Thanks! I’m sorry it has been so long between visits; things have been hectic down in my way!“

Tell me about it! We’ve been so busy up here that we can hardly see straight! The pandemic is raising hell with our business; we are working like one-armed paper hangers!”

“Hey, watch the language! You don’t want to be caught with your pants down!”

The two old friends hugged as they shook with laughter “You’ve got that right! We are being inundated with people dropping in, and many are begging for admission. Everyone is dying to have a good time! Aren’t you going to offer your best friend anything to drink?”

His friend opened the refrigerator door and saw a dozen bottles of milk. Shaking his head as he bent down low and reached far into the back, he grabbed a couple of bottles of red wine!

Taking two beautifully decorated crystal wine glasses trimmed in gold, he filled them to the top, handed one to his friend, sat down beside him, and took a long drink.

“Hey, business isn’t that bad. Take it easy; are you sure you might need to save some of that wine for communions!”

“No need; it is delivered by the truckload! We are full and overflowing every Sunday.” He emptied his glass and filled both of them again.

“I sure hope you are having fun down there. Everyone up here is miserable! The message doesn’t stick more than a day!” “Did you ever think that maybe they like being free to be themselves? It’s not much fun cramming themselves into those straight jackets on Sunday pretending to be all good and righteous, and Monday morning breaking free for the rest of the week. They must get pretty dizzy after a month or two! With me, they can be their true mean, selfish selves ALL THE TIME,” he said as he gulped down the last of his wine and held his glass out for a refill.

They continued drinking and refilling for the better part of two hours. “Damn, that’s the last of the wine; hang on for a few minutes! There must be more hidden in the back!” He lumbered over to the fridge and, scanning the contents, saw no more wine. He turned around and stood up, nearly bumping into a beautiful woman with shiny red skin and nothing else on her spectacular body. She stood uncomfortably close with a large bottle in each hand, cradling two majestic breasts.

Taking the bottles, he watched her slink seductively over to his friend, straddling his lap and smothering him with kisses. They snuggled so close it was hard to see where her red body ended, and his friend’s body began. After observing the display of sensual activity, he screwed the shank into the cork hard and yanked the bottle open with such force that it almost broke the neck! As he poured three glasses, he thought, “Damn, I think I picked the wrong side of the street! It Doesn’t seem hardly fair that a bunch of old farts smokin’ hashish decided these stupid rules. Whatever made them think a lifetime of celibacy was a good idea or could be done? Just because they couldn’t get it up doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t. Things have been dry
as a desert lately!

The three finished the two bottles, and magically, two more
appeared to take their place. As the evening progressed, more bottles appeared as soon as one was thrown empty to the floor. The guest noticed that his heavenly host had removed his heavy garments one at a time until he was naked as a jaybird! He was having naughty thoughts as he and the Red Woman moved to a sexy dance. The beautiful red woman knew more moves than he knew existed! He hadn’t felt this horny in centuries, and he couldn’t remember what to do, but his lusty dance partner certainly did!

She led him to the next room and closed the door. And the things she did made him lose his heavenly mind! Several times! When they finally reappeared, he was grinning from ear to ear and was starving for food! His good friend supplied a banquet fit for a King!

They ate until they could eat no more! They sat back, rubbing their bellies,
just looking at each other. Finally, they burst into laughter!  “God, I thought I’d never see you let your hair down, but tonight you sure did!”

“The Devil with you! You two trapped me! I have kept myself
pure for thousands of years, except for that one time. But that was necessary
to save the God-damned world. I needed to beget my only son.”

“Jesus, what exactly did we do to you?” “Don’t call me that; you know that is my Son’s name!” He said, sounding angry.

“Yeah, we know that, but let’s get a little truthsome here and tell God’s honest truth! You know damned well that you desired that innocent little virgin, and you had her, didn’t you? And it was in the flesh! Admit it! You got her pregnant and palmed her off on poor Joseph. And do you really believe they lived as brother and sister? If they did, wouldn’t thathave been incest? And, do you want me to believe you didn’t “visit” her in theflesh from time to time?”

“Well, I had to make sure she was doing okay; after all, she was carrying my child.” He said, trying to look fatherly but failing

“Yeah, really! It’s a wonder that she didn’t have quintuplets!” He said, laughing so hard tears ran down his red face.

His friend tried but failed to look chagrinned. Finally, he realized he was “outed” and said, “She was asweet, loving little Christian woman who obeyed her heavenly father’s commands with enthusiasm. Too bad Joseph never got a chance to taste the honey from that fair maiden! He said, thinking back with a big smile on his face.

And, what makes you think he didn’t keep her happy? You know, you can’t be everywhere all the time.”

“Of course I can!” His friend shouted, trying to sound heavenly, but again failed.

His Red friend turned to his Red girlfriend and said, “Sweetheart,
show our friend your real self!”And with a flourish, all the bright red skin vanished, and she wore the habit befitting the time of her youth.” 

“Oh my God! Mary, you chose this guy over me? You would have
sat on the throne beside me forever!”

“And be put on that pedestal with all the other virgins? No, thank you! I want to have fun, and I am having a wonderful time.” She said as she moved close and pressed her luscious body to him, which now desired more of her amazing lovemaking. He grabbed her in his arms and started removing her
virgin al clothes and as he carried her to the next room, kicking the door shut
with his foot.  When they finally emerged from the room, he was happy and satisfied!
And Mary was again dressed in her period costume. His friend was sleeping in
the arms of another beautiful woman. He sat up suddenly, nearly dumping his goddess off his lap!

“God, I got it all figured out! We should change places for a few hundred years! We can rule our kingdoms and make everyone happy! I will rule your kingdom, and you can rule mine!

“Don’t you think someone would notice if we changed places?”

“Hell, no one ever sees us in the flesh. I will bet no one
will know the difference?” he said with a wink.

“Alright, but I take my little virgin with me!”

And they shook hands on the deal!

Did you notice the difference? I sure as hell didn’t!